I pushed through my fear and found myself in a place I don’t think I’ve ever experienced: Confident.
This is a guest post by Nicklin Heap. He came into my life a gaggle of months back, after he read about Mac & Cheese Productions on the Daily Good. He’s a ball of positive energy – ‘Support’ is his middle name – and I’m so glad the interwebs brought him into the Cheese-It community; we’re all better for knowing him!
Check out his gorgeous photos here and here.
He’s currently seeking a full-time job. He’s done everything from Finance to Facilities Management (Engineering / Sanitation). Do you need a Technical Writer – Data Analyst – Distance-Learning Instructor – Digital Artist – Basic Website Designer and Manager, or know someone who does? Do you have suggestions of resources or connections? You can get in touch with him at neheapATgmailDOTcom. Let’s support this king of supporters!
I’ve been trying to figure out what to say about the experience of being a part of the Fear Experiment (FE) all day and each time I tried, I was either overwhelmed by all the things I wanted to say or struck speechless, not knowing what to say at all — so I’m going to try to write this as simply and honestly as I can.
These past three months have been a transformative experience, to say the least.
From the moment I decided to go on my own to the FE Info Session and met Saya (the FE creator and producer) and Mara (the a capella instructor) during my audition, this has been a series of “Firsts” —
- First time performing an art form that I’d never trained in
- First time committing to something outside of Recovery that required regular attendance
- First time dancing a choreographed routine with other people since junior high school (now 20+ years ago)
And it was scary — there were moments when I definitely thought “this is insane – I don’t know if I can do this!” — and yet, I kept on going anyway.
The thing that got me through it all was that *every* *single* *person* in our Stepping group was just as committed to giving this thing 100% of their heart and effort — and as I came to know them and care for them — I learned to trust them and to want to be trusted by them, so I pushed through my fear and found myself in a place I don’t think I’ve ever experienced: Confident.
I was legitimately excited to be on that stage and performing — not for myself, but as part of a Team. Together, we were unstoppable, incredible, powerful. On my own, my fear would have made me give up before I even started. With my fellow Steppers and our fearless leader Gloria we were Perfect and Awesome.
And we really were.
Watching the clips I’ve seen of the performance, I am blown away by the sheer magic of what Gloria’s patient, steadfast belief in us created, along with the brilliance of her dance routines. We were sassy, funny, high-stepping Rock Stars.
And it wasn’t just us…
The A Cappella group was equally amazing, awesome and Rock Stars! Mara’s arrangements – both vocally and in their choreography – were just phenomenal, making it very hard to follow the request at the opening of the show *not* to cheer *during* their performance so they could hear themselves!
And the Storytellers… My god – they brought the house down with their vulnerability, honesty and craftsmanship in conveying an authenticity that I’ve rarely experienced outside of the rooms of a 12-Step fellowship.
I am so grateful to the many, many people who encouraged and supported me along this journey.
A HUGE Thank You to the friends and family that were able to be there to see the show — and an equally HUGE Thank You to everyone who was there as part of my Spirit Team. You were definitely a big part of the reason I was able to remain calm and focused through the entirety of the performance and only after it was all over did I finally break down and have a good cry — tears of profound gratitude and joy, having been blessed to have been a part of something so incredibly positive and wonder-full.
If any of you are looking for something to break you out of your routine – shake you out of your complacency – open up a window to a new perspective on yourself and your life — you owe it to yourself to come be a part of this. There’s one last info session before the crew for Fear Experiment 8 gets selected…
What are you waiting for?