Have no interest in partying like it’s 1999 anymore

Pre-Party Ritual circa 1999 –

• Sit around the table drinking Franzia and gossiping with seven of your bestest friends
• Crank up a little Venga Boys, Britney Spears and Bon Jovi
• Down nasty shots of whatever nasty alcohol is left over from a past party
• Yell flirty remarks at the boys across the hall
• Download some songs on Napster
• Throw on outfit #6 and confirm with roommates that the jeans don’t make your ass look fat, before changing back into outfit #2 because you think it gives you a vibe of availability yet mysteriousness that #6 failed to emit
• Take the shuttle bus to one of the various parties being thrown this night, this one selected because it promises a) Bud Light kegs, b) possibly running into that guy you hooked up with last weekend who you’d just DIE if you saw but just HAVE to see him, and c) that you’ll know everyone

Pre-Party Ritual circa 2009 –

• Fold laundry alone in bedroom
• Crank up a little Capitol Steps on NPR
• Down water and diet iced tea
• Run to Target and Jewel to buy various business-related items so that the expenses can be included in this year’s taxes
• Yell pissy remarks at people who drive too slow or who don’t believe in blinkers or waving to say thanks for letting them in
• Assemble newly-purchased floor lamp
• Enter business receipts into Quicken
• Throw on jeans, a GAP shirt and UGGs because they’re all comfortable
• Walk to one of the various parties being thrown this night, this one selected because a) I won’t know most of the people there, b) guests will probably not be the types to do Frat-Boy chest bumps or hooker halter-tops and skinny jeans, and c) it’s five blocks away