I wish I could say I was depressed, I got dumped, my dog died, my car was stolen, I was fired. But life is fairly perfect. Which is why it baffles me that at 4:12pm last Friday I bought a box of Entenmann’s doughnuts and by 6:03pm, the box was empty. Eight. Eight!
Every few months or so, this nasty gorging of something sweet will occur, and I can’t pinpoint its impetus, which drives me crazy. You hear that many people, especially women, are emotional eaters, that they try to fill wounds with carbs. While sure, I’ve got issues, nothing catastrophic as of late. Pretty happy these days.
In an effort, to find out WHY?!?! I do this, I’m going to look back at the last three times I remember the Gorge.
1. College friend who I haven’t seen in fourteen years is in town. I meet him, his friends, and another college friend at Sidetrack (they’re all gay boys). We laugh, we reminisce, we talk like we just saw each other last week, not as sophomores in Chestnut Hill, Massachusetts. We go to dinner and continue to explore each other’s lives, genuinely happy for the others’ successes. Five or so hours later, I walk home to Roscoe Village, so happy to have reconnected. I stop at the Damen and Roscoe Speedway gas station and buy a bag of hostess powdered sugar doughnuts. Not a bag like a single-serving five-doughnut bag, but a bag like a twenty-four? thirty-six? mini-doughnut bag. It’s empty by the time I walk five blocks to my door.
2. I spend the majority of the day as a judge at WBEZ (Chicago’s public radio station), listening to submissions for an audio contest. Very interesting “Is this really my life?!?!” experience sitting in a room full of amazing pros like the Chicago Tribune’s Mary Schmich and host of All Things Considered Melba Lara. Great opportunity for personal professional development and networking. Plus scored free food, cash, and a heavenly-soft t-shirt! Invigorating bike ride home from Navy Pier for a quick dinner/shower before I meet up with friends at a friend’s art show in Pilsen. A great day. So why do I pick up a bag of hostess powdered sugar doughnuts (again, the twenty-four? count) and consume them all at home before Pilsen in about an hour?
There was an incident of tears post-NPR and pre-Pilsen having to do with a guy. Long story short – we hung out awhile ago, I constantly found myself being THAT GIRL whom I hate who sits by the phone/alters plan to accommodate him only to be disappointed/gets strung along, we stopped hanging out but remained surface friends, we made plans for this weekend only for the same ol’ same ol’ to happen.
3. I felt sick for most of the day, but got a lot of work done (video editing at a bar that’s a coffeehouse in the morning is fun), snagged some amazing deals at the warehouse sale of my favorite Chicago shopping secret (Crate & Barrel items 50-70% off), and was really looking forward to ending the day with outdoorsy fun at Critical Mass. Unfortunately by the time late afternoon rolled around, gray skies and rain, and worsening flu-like symptoms, made my couch seem a much better option than my bike. But not before I bought a box of Entenmman’s and consumed the entire thing.
I don’t know. The only connection I see between the three is that they were all on the weekend. I have Gorged during the week. I don’t know why I can’t buy one cookie, as opposed to one box of cookies. I don’t know why I can’t keep anything sweet at home for more than a day, and why it’s all I can think about when it does make it through my front door. I have a full life. I’m happy. Tastes so good going down, tastes like utter-failure and self-loathing about three seconds after the last bite.