Lessons learned via the key-card

I’ve stayed in two hotels in the past three days and this is what I’ve concluded:

• When and if I get married, no head table.  Or if there is a head table, it’ll be round.  The long table with everyone facing out is weird.  It’s like you’re displaying your Caesar salad-eating skills to the world.
• Bosses who peer pressure you to do shots, that’s an odd situation.
• Friends who peer pressure you to dance at weddings, that’s an annoying situation.
• My dream home will have high toilets, enough space and appropriately-placed hooks for toweling-up post-shower while actually in the tub as opposed to outside the tub, high water-pressure, queen and/or king-sized beds for everyone even babies, bedding made-of the silkiest most expensive Egyptian fabrics, and pamphlets about suggested activities in the foyer.
• Indiana and Wisconsin are very different from Chicago.
• When and if I get married, everyone is barefoot.  Bride, groom, wedding party, guests.  Maybe even the waitstaff.
• Smokers leave behind a stale, icky, I want to shower every five minutes to remove the stench aroma.
• I’m sad for vegetarians.  They don’t eat meat.
• You can never have too many potato dishes – potato salad with a side of mashed potatoes is ok.
• It’s really frustrating when semi-trucks hauling cans of beer overturn on the highway, especially when it’s on the other side of the hideway but traffic still sucks because of perhaps the most annoying group of people in the world, gapers.
• Buffets are nice.  Now if only someone could invent a no-calorie buffet.
• A margarita is not a margarita if there’s no salt on the rim.
• Fruit that someone else washes and cuts is still the best thing in the world.