Grape-Stuff this, suckers!

← Back to All Posts

Things of which I’m moronically proud:

I always wake up before the alarm clock
The number of compliments I get on my iTunes playlist at parties/Minglers
When I’m able to refrain from touching my temperamental hair all day and I have non-frizzy, in-tact ringlets as the sun sets
I don’t have cable
I own no make-up
Ratio of Facebook friends I’ve friended vs. who friended me; I haven’t friended anyone in… a year?
The number of Facebook friend requests I ignore; usually limit “friends” to people I actually know, not open season for every Tom, Dick and Harry I meet at a party or an event
When I’m able to say “Oh, I haven’t watched TV in weeks [months]”
When I can bypass traffic with an array of shortcuts/alternative routes
When sweets can stay in my house for more than twenty-four hours
I drink coffee black
When my old UPS guy from five years ago sees me and gives a honk and wave
When tellers at my bank waive away my license because they know me
Using the last of shampoo/conditioner and throwing the bottle in the trash
When I know what lane to be in to avoid merging cars, potholes, slow spots, blinding sun, etc.
Sixty-minutes on the stairclimber sans the need for music, TV, or magazines
The number of entire scores of musicals I can sing
I don’t have to walk up any stairs to enter my home
The number of links that come up when you google my name [though this is also scary and a little TMI]
I was the 1989 Camp Echo Grape-Stuffing Champion; forty-three green grapes in my mouth
When I bump into random people I know in random places
How often I have to reorder business cards
Always having extra toilet paper, kleenex, and paper towels in stock
Ratio of people who ask for my business card vs. people I ask for their card; I haven’t asked for anyone’s in… forever
When someone mentions a more obscure NPR host/reporter and I know who they’re referencing

Things of which I’m not proud/things that are weird and I probably shouldn’t share:

I love the MTV show Teen Mom and schedule gym-time [cable!] around when it’s on air
An hour or so before every Mingler, I hope everyone will cancel so I can spend the evening at a coffeehouse noodling around on a creative project [But as soon as the first guest steps in the door, that feeling immediately evaporates and I’m in hostess heaven! Weird cycle.]
I have an always expanding list of names for my unborn children
The extremely high-level of satisfaction I get from 409ing my doorknobs after the last Mingler guest leaves
I cross the street and hide behind traffic-light boxes to avoid the Save the Environment people